After my first day volunteering in the clinic I couldn't stop thinking about how much I enjoyed it. Getting the chance to care for people & their health when they are in need is a passion God has given me. As I sat by the fire that Sunday night reflecting on the day & all that had gone on in the clinic, I heard a still, small voice speak to me when I was least expecting it. "Kelsey, this is what I've called you to. I have made you to do this for all your life for the glory of My name. All else pales in comparison to the joy you will know serving my children in my name through my love." Suddenly it all seemed to make sense. My desire had become that of the Lord. With the passion He has instilled within me and the love He has given me, God was just waiting for me to understand what it is that He is calling me to. Nate Saint puts it best in the book Jungle Pilot when he says, "Have you noticed that when a man finds the will of the Lord for his life, there always seems to be an evident relationship between the talents or gifts or preparation the Lord has given him and the job the Lord has called him to do?...Now we rejoice in God's gracious care for our lives even before they were entirely His -- preparing us specifically & without any wasted motion for the job He had for us to do!" God gave me the desire to be a nurse & the passion to help people in a medical capacity long before I began to feel any leading toward mission work and certainly before I went to Peru and felt a specific call to overseas medical mission work for the rest of my life. Thinking of all that God is & all He has done, I am taken back in awe. Amazement is the only word I can think of to describe the overwhelming love that has grown in my heart for the Lord, multiplying faster than I can understand. In the light of His glory & grace, I feel so inadequate to be used by Him yet precious & treasured as a child of God who is blessed to be called upon to be used as an instrument sharing God's glory & grace with souls lost in darkness.
As I dwell on memories of Haiti & the love /god has given me for those people, I can't help but see a connection between that and the immeasurable joy I feel in helping to restore health to people. I felt an immense burden on my heart as God continued to speak to me more clearly than ever before. "I have given you the desire to heal people's bodies so that then through you they may also hear of me and I may heal their soul & restore them." Since that evening my mindset on life has changed, and I've seen God teaching me in preparation for the work He has in store for me.
I have always had dreams for my life -- many of those same dreams every other young person has of marriage, a quaint life in a nice house, kids, and a fulfilling job. But God has changed my dreams. He has given me a passionate desire to live a radical life sold out to God. And I can't live a radical life with the same traditional life & dreams as the rest of America. A fulfilling job is nice, but it means nothing if the rest of your life is confortable & self-centered. You can give your 2 cents of meaningful humanitarian work for others and then return home to all the comforts & conveniences you could ever need. You can live most hours of your life indulging yourself while occazzionally volunteering at soup kitchens & clothes closets, VBS & children's ministry, write a check for you rmonthly giving & occassionally give to a mission trip.
A fulfilling life means living out an uncomfortable life of servanthood that the Lord has called us to. A fulfilling life means not separating youself from those in need so you can choose when to acknowledge poverty & desperate need, but it means living among poverty in the midst of desperate need so that all of life is spent fulfilling Christ's purpose to feed the hungry, help the ppor, clothe the naked, and care for the sick but ultimately to love the unloved, to love the least of these, and to share with them a hope greater than anything this world has to offer. I have finally claimed God as my only joy & grasped what that truly mean. God gives me joy inloving those who don't know the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father. He gives me joy in using my gifts to meet the needs of others and showing them the One who meets all their needs, even the ones they may not be aware of. That joy is greater than any I've ever known. That is an eternal joy.
My life is in God's hands to be used in bringing glory to His name. I will live it radically sold out to Him following wherever He leads serving others & proclaiming His name among the nations. I will not have the quaint country home, kids who grow up with most everything they want, and plenty of money to spend of frivilous things. I may not even have a husband. No, I have forsaken the dreams of this world for the one desire of my heart -- my Lord Jesus Christ. I will live as a servant, not knowing now what exactly that will look like but excited to find out in God's timing. It may very well be a life of physical discomfort surrounded by third world poverty, rampant disease, malnutrition, Voodoo, witch doctors, and spiritual warfare. But it will be a life lived every day, every hour, every moment for God filled with the joy of counting others as higher than myself. And though it will not be glamorous, though I may have nothing, in Christ I have found everything. That is all I could ever want. So here I am, Lord. Take me. Use me. Send me.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Learning what it means to love
Never before have I known spiritual warefare as I have this summer. I don't know if it was a result of drawing closer to the Lord & becoming more aware of it or if it is a consequence of bringing the Good News of Jesus Christ into a place overwhelmed by the strongholds of Satan. I believe perhaps both are contributing factors. Well, I've got some news for Satan: I'm not done doing the work of Christ, and there is nothing he can do to bring me down because the Almighty Creator has called me and He will be with me to the end.
Through sickness, home sickness, exhaustion, language barriers, physical limits, discouragement, doubt, and cultural obstacles we persevered and made it through our time in Peru working hard until the end, but it is not by our own power we pressed on but only through the power of the one within us who has overcome the world did we make it. God has taught me a dependence which I have never known. Through my time on the mission field my faith has grown to new heights.
When I arrived in Peru I thought it was out of a love for the people that I would grow close to them and come to share the gospel with them. But then after some time I began to question things. I was perplexed with the fact that in my heart I felt no love for these people and their self-centered, inconsiderate, unreliable, alcoholic ways. Obviously, I wasn't too fond of them. I prayed asking God why He had sent me to a people I couldn't love, and God told me "But you can love them. I will teach you to love those that seem unlovable. You will come to see the world through My eyes so that you may better fulfill the plans I have for you." So I began to pray each day that God woulf teach me to love these people. I expected God to do a magical work in my heart so I would begin to love the Aymaran people, but He had something else in store for me. I was reading through "Let the Nations Be Glad", the book we were all assigned to read for the summer. As I read further into the book, I came across a passage that struck me.
"Have you ever wondered what it feels like to have a love for the lost? This is a term we use as part of our Christian jargon. Many believers search their hearts in condemnation, looking for the arrival of some feeling of benevolence that will propel them into bold evangelism. It will never happen. It is impossible to love the 'lost'. You can't feel deeply for an abstraction or a concept. You would find it impossible to love deeply an unfamiliar individual portrayed in a photograph, let alone a nation or a race or something as vague as 'all lost people'. Don't wait for a feeling of love in order to share Christ with a stranger. You already love your Heavenly Father, and you know that this stranger is created by Him, but separated from Him, so take those first steps in evangelism because you love God. It is not primarily out of a compassion for humanity that we share our faith or pray for the lost; it is first of all, love for God." That was a clear answer from the Lord to my question of why He sent me to a people I couldn't love. It is out of love for the Lord and a desire to see Him name glorified among all the nations that I am here. In obedience to His call out of love for my Savior, I went to Peru to live out the comission to which He has called me. So with that answer always in the forefront of my mind, I continued to live in Peru day by day pursuing the open opportunities God set before me to build relationships & share His love, all the while still praying that God would give me a love for the people just as He had promised me.
Then after finishing Philippians our team decided to begin reading though Romans together every morning during worship. In the end of Romans 1, Paul talks about God's anger at sin. "Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. They know God's justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them too." (Romans 1:28-32) But here is the kicker if those verses weren't humbling enough. "You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked & should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things." (Romans 2:1) Looking back at that list of evil, whether in my actions or my thoughts I have indeed committed every one of those. And in that, I have no right to condemn others and judge their actions. For before God we are ALL wretched sinners, like is said in Romans 3: 9-12: "Well then, should we conclude that we Jews are better than others? No, not at all, for we have already shown that all people, whether Jews or Gentiles, are under the power of sin. As the Scriptures say, 'No one is righteous - not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.'" But then at the end of chapter 3 comes the Good News! "We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty of our sins." (Romans 3:22-24)
Through these verses God showed me that the only difference between me & these people is my faith in Jesus Christ. I am no less of a sinner, I am no more righteous, and I am no more loved by God. But because of my faith, I am saved by grace. So I can't hold these people to the same standards as myself. They are lost & living in the bondage of Satan. They don't know the amazing grace & saving love of Jesus. THAT sad truth is what brought me to a place of compassion for these people. Romans 5 tells of the peace & joy found in faith in Christ. I long for these people to know that peace & joy. I long for ALL to know that joy! Then Romans continues into chapter 6 where Paul proclaims Christ's power over sin through His death & reassurection, and he ends chapter 6 with this declaration in verse 23: "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." That truth compels me to go proclaim the Good News of Jesus from the mountain tops! I want to tell everyone of the unconditional love they have never known and a hope that never fades. God has taken my frustration with the Aymaran culture and harnessed it to develop a compassion for these people. He has shown me how to see past the sin & spiritual bondage and to love people like He loves them, in spite of their sins.
Through sickness, home sickness, exhaustion, language barriers, physical limits, discouragement, doubt, and cultural obstacles we persevered and made it through our time in Peru working hard until the end, but it is not by our own power we pressed on but only through the power of the one within us who has overcome the world did we make it. God has taught me a dependence which I have never known. Through my time on the mission field my faith has grown to new heights.
When I arrived in Peru I thought it was out of a love for the people that I would grow close to them and come to share the gospel with them. But then after some time I began to question things. I was perplexed with the fact that in my heart I felt no love for these people and their self-centered, inconsiderate, unreliable, alcoholic ways. Obviously, I wasn't too fond of them. I prayed asking God why He had sent me to a people I couldn't love, and God told me "But you can love them. I will teach you to love those that seem unlovable. You will come to see the world through My eyes so that you may better fulfill the plans I have for you." So I began to pray each day that God woulf teach me to love these people. I expected God to do a magical work in my heart so I would begin to love the Aymaran people, but He had something else in store for me. I was reading through "Let the Nations Be Glad", the book we were all assigned to read for the summer. As I read further into the book, I came across a passage that struck me.
"Have you ever wondered what it feels like to have a love for the lost? This is a term we use as part of our Christian jargon. Many believers search their hearts in condemnation, looking for the arrival of some feeling of benevolence that will propel them into bold evangelism. It will never happen. It is impossible to love the 'lost'. You can't feel deeply for an abstraction or a concept. You would find it impossible to love deeply an unfamiliar individual portrayed in a photograph, let alone a nation or a race or something as vague as 'all lost people'. Don't wait for a feeling of love in order to share Christ with a stranger. You already love your Heavenly Father, and you know that this stranger is created by Him, but separated from Him, so take those first steps in evangelism because you love God. It is not primarily out of a compassion for humanity that we share our faith or pray for the lost; it is first of all, love for God." That was a clear answer from the Lord to my question of why He sent me to a people I couldn't love. It is out of love for the Lord and a desire to see Him name glorified among all the nations that I am here. In obedience to His call out of love for my Savior, I went to Peru to live out the comission to which He has called me. So with that answer always in the forefront of my mind, I continued to live in Peru day by day pursuing the open opportunities God set before me to build relationships & share His love, all the while still praying that God would give me a love for the people just as He had promised me.
Then after finishing Philippians our team decided to begin reading though Romans together every morning during worship. In the end of Romans 1, Paul talks about God's anger at sin. "Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. They know God's justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them too." (Romans 1:28-32) But here is the kicker if those verses weren't humbling enough. "You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked & should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things." (Romans 2:1) Looking back at that list of evil, whether in my actions or my thoughts I have indeed committed every one of those. And in that, I have no right to condemn others and judge their actions. For before God we are ALL wretched sinners, like is said in Romans 3: 9-12: "Well then, should we conclude that we Jews are better than others? No, not at all, for we have already shown that all people, whether Jews or Gentiles, are under the power of sin. As the Scriptures say, 'No one is righteous - not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.'" But then at the end of chapter 3 comes the Good News! "We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty of our sins." (Romans 3:22-24)
Through these verses God showed me that the only difference between me & these people is my faith in Jesus Christ. I am no less of a sinner, I am no more righteous, and I am no more loved by God. But because of my faith, I am saved by grace. So I can't hold these people to the same standards as myself. They are lost & living in the bondage of Satan. They don't know the amazing grace & saving love of Jesus. THAT sad truth is what brought me to a place of compassion for these people. Romans 5 tells of the peace & joy found in faith in Christ. I long for these people to know that peace & joy. I long for ALL to know that joy! Then Romans continues into chapter 6 where Paul proclaims Christ's power over sin through His death & reassurection, and he ends chapter 6 with this declaration in verse 23: "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." That truth compels me to go proclaim the Good News of Jesus from the mountain tops! I want to tell everyone of the unconditional love they have never known and a hope that never fades. God has taken my frustration with the Aymaran culture and harnessed it to develop a compassion for these people. He has shown me how to see past the sin & spiritual bondage and to love people like He loves them, in spite of their sins.
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