One minute I’m doing great, I’m happy all day long, and then all of a sudden I’m hit with a tornado of feelings that all contradict each other yet like an overwhelming tidal wave they beat me down and try to drown me in hopelessness. “But it’s not hopeless” I cry out. The Lord is never far. His hand guides me through the darkest of days, for He will never leave or forsake me. The Lord is my Rock & my Redeemer. But this sudden, overwhelming flood of feelings leaves me confused. I don’t even know how to explain it – anger, resentment, jealousy, frustration, sadness, loss, betrayal, powerlessness, sorrow, exasperation, impatience. But at the same time I know that my joy is found in Christ alone, the One who is always faithful & never changing, and that gives me peace. That gives me hope.
But no matter how much I pray, I feel like those feelings are always waiting to spring up again and drag me down. I wish I could be inspirational and optimistic, but that just isn’t where I am right now. There’s a struggle within me to find an unwavering peace in the Lord.
