An answered prayer for an anxious heart

Here's a crazy cool God story for you.

Saturday evening, January 7th I got back to my apartment at UMHB after being home for a month, and all of a sudden as I sat alone in my apartment I got really homesick. I know. It sounds silly. I got a little teary-eyed, and then the thought popped in my hear, "How much more am I going to miss my family when I'm thousands of miles away from them for so long?" I started bawling in the middle of my apartment by myself, and the waterworks continued for quite a while. I started thinking, "Oh my goodness, what did I get myself into? Did I just make a huge mistake? God, what if this wasn't your plan? What if everything at Passion was my own emotions?" All these doubts started running through my mind. If this was a mistake then God isn't going to provide, and that will just show everyone that I'm being crazy and irresponsible.

After letting my mind run away with me for a little while, I decided I should pull out my Bible. Always a good idea =) So I spent a good amount of time sitting in the quiet stillness of my apartment praying and reading scripture. I read Psalm 34. It begins, "I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us tell of the Lord's greatness; let us exalt his name together. I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." And David continues on praising God for his goodness and proclaiming his faithfulness to his children. He speaks of our Heavenly Father as our refuge and protection, urging us to cry out to his because he hears us and cares for us. What a beautiful passage! It spoke to my doubting heart and calmed my fears just as the Lord promised. So I told God, "I know you are the one sending me to Uganda, and I know you will provide. But God, I just need some reassurance."

Fast forward two days later to Monday afternoon. The first day of class is over. One of my former instructors sees me visiting in another professor's office. She comes in, hands me a sealed envelope, and simply says, "That is for you. My mother wanted to give it to you before you left to Uganda for the summer but forgot. So that is for when you go back." I found that off with all things considered. At that point she would not have known I was already planning to move back after graduation. Surprised and a little confused, I graciously thanked her several times. Once I left the nursing building, I opened the envelope to find a check dated New Year's Eve (right before I arrived at the Passion 2012 Conference) written to me for $500 from a woman I have never met. And at that moment I felt God whisper to me deep down in my heart "See. I am faithful to provide for my children. I am faithful to provide for my will."

It gives me chills every time I think about it. Isn't that wonderful?!?! God is so good. I haven't even made the first effort to start raising funds. Bye golly, I hadn't hardly told anyone yet. But God, in his goodness, laid it on a sweet woman's heart to write out a check for $500 before he even spoke peace into my heart about moving in Uganda.

A wonderful way to begin a new year!

December 31st arrived, and that meant it was time to head to the Georgia Dome for Passion 2012 - 45,000 college-aged students from around the nation in one place to worship God. That is A LOT of people. God did some awesome things in those 4 days that will carry on for a lifetime to come. I got the blessing to hear what God was doing in the hearts of some other cool college kids in my glitter green family group. But I am just going to share what God did in my heart. When we got to Passion, I was in a funk that first night and then into the next day. You know when you just get in a funk? You feel weird, but you don't know why and you can't explain it. So I started getting these little moments of frustration. "God, why are all these kids around me raising there hands, singing their hearts out, hearing from you, being changes by your Holy Spirit, but I can't even manage to keep my mind focused to sing an entire song or follow a complete thought?" But I trusted that if I remained open, ready, and seeking then God would not be far from me.

On Tuesday afternoon, the second day, I got the chance to meet Beth Moore. Her ministry, Living Proof Ministries, graciously provided a scholarship to pay for my ticket at Passion, and she wanted to meet all the girls her ministry had sponsored. After hearing her speak God's encouraging truth into us, she gathered us close and prayed over us. She prayed passionately and powerfully that the Holy Spirit would do a mighty work in some of our hearts and that God would reveal himself in a new way to each of us during Passion, that we would not be bound by any fear or shame but boldly follow the Lord as women of God. I won't ever forget that prayer because that night God answered Beth's prayer in me. The last song before Francis Chan got up to speak, Christ Tomlin told us he wanted to bring some friends up on the stage. Out walks a worship leader from every country that was part of the Passion World Tour - worship leaders from Japan, France, Guatemala, Mexico, and...a worship choir from Uganda. I totally lost it - tears streaming down my face, I could hardly sing. You should see it for yourself. >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqDSemdyKG0&feature=related

I don't know if you can relate to this, but I could just feel God stirring my heart. I have been praying since August that God would reveal to me the next step in the part my life plays in His glorious plan. Just the next step. And in that moment when over 45,000 children of God were praising Him in 5 languages and I couldn’t take my eyes off those beautiful chocolate-colored faces singing on stage, I could hear God saying "Kelsey, I want you to go back to Uganda." But all I could think is "Everyone keeps saying I need to stay. I don't want to say I'm moving to Uganda if this is all just emotions. What if I'm wrong? God, if you really want me to go then you will show me again and make it obvious." Well, let me tell you what happens when you say that to God. Francis Chan got up to preach, and he talked about how we underestimate how big God is and the powerful things he can do. He read passages in the Bible that are filled with proof that God can do great and mighty things beyond what we would ever expect, but we lack faith in Him. If we just lived straight from what the Bible told us and had faith that God can do more than we could ever ask or imagine, then crazy things would happen! The whole time as I am listening to Francis, God is telling me, "See, Kelsey. Look how big I am. Just follow my lead, go to Uganda, and I will provide." Then Chris Tomlin gets back up and begins singing a song (and I've never heard it before that night) that says

I will follow you, I will follow you. No turning back, no turning back.

With the cross before me, with the world behind me,

I will forsake all else and follow you. No turning back.

At first I refused to sing it, like it was a binding contract with God that I would move back to Uganda after graduation. I started getting all teary-eyed again because I could feel God saying stronger now, "I want you to go." And I felt something settle on me, overwhelming peace. And even though there was a part of me that was scared I was still at peace. It sounds odd, I know. I kept thinking "Oh gosh. I think that was God making it obvious..." But just in case I wasn't sure yet, Francis Chan starting talking again in the middle of the song. He said, "I know right now God is calling some of you to do some crazy, radical things, and the enemy is going to try to hold you back. But don't let anything hold you back. God is so much bigger than anything Satan can throw at you."....."Alright. Thanks, God. I got it now." Don't pray that God make something obvious unless you really want Him to.

So, surprise!!

I am moving back to Uganda after graduation.

Or maybe that isn’t a surprise some of you at all.

I will be nurse & mommy to 13 precious orphans at Rafiki Africa Ministries Children’s Home where I served last summer.

*more information to come*