I have learned so much in the past 7 weeks but still feel like such a newbie every time I walk through those ambulance bay doors. God has taught me so much this summer, it is difficult to process it all much less try putting it into words. I'll stick to my experiences at work for now.
Every day at work I encounter ALL different kinds of people - those that are frustrated, in pain, perfectly fine, manipulative, lying through their teeth, honest, understanding, arrogant, uncooperative, unresponsive, screaming, combative, mentally altered, spitting and cussing, encouraging, sweet, pleasant, entertaining, critical, sarcastic, dramatic, whiny. You name it. And each of those people - whether patients, visitors, family members, nurses, physicians, or other staff members - are a beloved child of God. The Lord reminds me of that daily. I underestimated how difficult it can be at times to maintain that focus when all I want to do is say, "Are you kidding me" as I roll my eyes. But then the gracious Lord gives me a little extra love and changes my heart more each day. I want to be like Jesus when he saw the lost, lonely, and sick and his first reaction was to have compassion on them.
No matter how overwhelming, busy, difficult, tear-jerking, or frustrating my shift may be, I always leave more dependent on the Lord than when I arrived. I am humbled by all kinds of situations I encounter. Sometimes I mess up. A lot of times I feel clueless or stupid. I am slower at some things so I can get behind more easily. I get scared when my patients are very sick. I ask lots of questions which I'm sure gets annoying. I set my expectations high, and I can be too hard on myself. I tend to take things personally which can be bad when someone is upset & in pain. I'm still very sensitive to some of my patients' stories & outcomes which is emotionally taxing, but I'm learning to find that balance. All these things leave me in a place of weakness and dependence. Only the Lord can be my strength, patience, love, and compassion because I have learned pretty well that I cannot be those things on my own.
Learning surrender, dependence, humility, and compassion is hard. But I am more & more convinced that God is the only one who can take the most painful, hurtful, trying, difficult things in life and make them into something extraordinary.
