As some of you know, returning from my last trip to Haiti was very different than the first. I knew it would be. I was returning to my home town for the summer after having a crazy last week of school. My teammates wouldn’t be just across campus to hang out with whenever I found myself upset or in tears. I would begin preparations for my summer in Peru. I expected those differences and had tried to prepare myself as best I could. Although I wasn’t ready to leave Haiti at all, I was looking forward to sharing the things the Lord had taught me with all my dear loved ones.
But God had something in store for me that I was not at all prepared for. That day of leaving Guibert, Haiti and returning to Aledo, Texas felt like much more than just 24 hours. The only way to describe it is exhausting – physically, mentally, spiritually, but more than anything emotionally. That day held more heart breaks than expected, but the Lord is most evident in the midst of brokenness. I had already learned that through my experience in Haiti. Feeling & seeing the Lord work in my weakness since my return has been a surreal experience. He has only begun to mold my heart & mind into one such as Jesus Christ, and the journey has been beautiful so far.
Over this past year God has revealed to me His abounding love for the people of every nation in a whole new light, but I think somewhere along the way I lost my grasp of His love for me. Jesus loves me, this I know and have always known. I didn’t forget that. But there’s a difference between knowing Jesus loves me and truly basking in His infinite, unconditional overflow of love. He has loved me before anyone else. His love for me was greater than that for His only son who He sent to be born into this sinful world and save all the wretched people of this world from the penalty of our own wrong-doings. He watched His son suffer under the hands of His own creation and die on a cross because He so longed to be reunited with each of us for all eternity. And if that is just a glimpse of God’s love for me then what should be my response to that?! A crazy love like nothing our world has seen!
After reading through Genesis, Luke, and Acts, the Lord has revealed many new truths to me, but one has stuck out above all the past couple of weeks. All the people I have read about – Adam, Eve, Cain, Able, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Esau, Jacob, Joseph, Mary, Herod, the disciples, John the Baptist, Zacchaeus, Pilate, Paul, and so many others – their lives were such a short moment in the timeline of the world. Some of them chose to be sold out for Christ and be used by the Lord to impact the world. Others of them were too consumed within themselves to be any kind of positive change. I am not going to allow myself to be one of those people who held out because of their self-consuming mindsets and never lived to make any difference. I will be a vessel through which Christ will impact the world. I choose to be wholly and completely in love with my Savior and live my life with my eyes & heart set on Him alone. Everything else is insignificant in comparison.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Goodbye is never easy
Day SEVEN
The end has come. What a bittersweet day it has been. We roofed another home today so that makes 4 total. The building of each roof has been a unique experience, and today was as well. As I went to work with my hand drill and circular saw, I got small snapshots of what everyday life in Haiti is like. As our workday began the work had already begun hours earlier for the Haitians. There was a young pregnant woman sitting on a rock hard at work washing laundry. I watched as she scrubbed and rinsed, scrubbed and rinsed, rang out the water, and then set the clothes aside to hang out to dry. Nearby sat 2 more women with 3 young children. One little boy, Jean, looks to be about 2 years old. The other two babies are twins, not even a year old yet, maybe 8 months. The baby boy has a little afro and the biggest toothless grin that will melt your heart. Every time I smiled at him or made a funny face he would grin, giggle, and slap his hands on his legs. His twin sister, on the other hand, was terribly afraid of white people. She would cry even if she saw me looking at her for too long. The men joined in helping us build the roof while the women tended to the children and housekeeping tasks. Smoke began to billow out of a small open-air hut as we were working. One of the women had built a fire to begin cooking food. Seeing life going on around us was cherished opportunity and a reminder of that stark contrast that haunts me when I return home.
We worked diligently until lunch time and only lacked placing & securing the metal sheeting. I took a break somewhere in there and got to hold afro baby when he woke up from his nap. His dad told me his name is Jegu (I have no idea if that is how it’s spelled but that is how it sounds). He had just finished eating homemade banana baby food so he was a little messy but still completely adorable. I held him, tickled him, cuddled him, threw him up in the air, and listened to him laugh & laugh. I wish I could take him home with me!
After lunch we were quick in finishing the roof and lots of time to spend playing with the boys back at the boys’ home. Jen & Jeff got out the Frisbees, jump ropes, bubble wands, footballs, soccer ball, candy, coloring books, and crayons we brought for the boys. Oh, that was lots of fun! Everyone had fun sitting on the back of the truck playground coloring pictures and showing off their artwork. Then a game of dodge-the-frisbee started and some of the younger boys kicked the soccer ball around. A couple of the boys started blowing bubbles and quickly drew a crowd that jumped around giggling as they tried to pop all the bubbles that were quickly floating away. Desilien was my coloring buddy. I held his crayons as he put all his concentration into staying inside the lines. Every time Desilien says my name, my heart jumps a little, and I get a burst of energy no matter how tired I may be. I think it is just knowing that he knows me and loves me and wants me to play with him. It’s a special feeling. Jen had an extensive English lesson with Guinsly. Then later Ken Jon took out his English workbook and showed Jeff his homework assignment. He had to memorize the lyrics of the Michael Jackson song “We are the World” as an English assignment. So we all sat on the back of the truck and sang “We are the World” over and over. Then out of nowhere a guy shows up with a guitar and starts playing another song. It was a thank you song to our team. In the song they listed off each of our names and thanked us for coming to Haiti to love the people and help the people. It was such a sweet & unexpected moment.
Saying goodbye came quickly & unexpectedly. Jeff came up to me while I was playing with some of the boys and told me, “Say your goodbyes. It’s time to load up in the taptap.” Ronald and Mackenlay still hadn’t returned from their trip to the doctor today. I had been waiting & wondering when they would be back. And now I wouldn’t get to tell them goodbye. I quickly hugged all the boys I could find hoping that Ronald and Mackenlay would arrive at the last minute. Wilberson watched from a distance as I hugged the other boys, and when I walked over to him to say goodbye he gave me a note. I took it and didn’t read it until we arrived back at Jean Alix’s house. It says:
Hello! I am very happy to see you. Sometimes I just see somebody, but is not in my mind. Today I see somebody she in my mind. It is you. I promise you always in my mind.
From: Wilberson To: you my baby
As I loaded my backpack into the taptap Sinclair called my name and came over. He gave me a hug and said, “I will miss you, my friend. Will you be back soon?” I told him I will come back as soon as God wants me to. It’s so hard to say goodbye not knowing if the future holds another trip. I was the last one in the taptap. As we drove away my heart sank. I may never see Ronald or Mackenlay again, and I couldn’t even hold them one more time. I want them to know how much I love them both. I sat on the end of the taptap and stared out the back. The tears were coming. I could feel them. Then Jen saw Ecclesiaste walking down the road & yelled to him. The taptap stopped for a brief moment. Holding Ecclesiaste’s hand was Mackenlay! They were returning from the doctor. I reached out my hand and Mackenlay grabbed it with his tiny hand. I said “Mwen renmen ou” as the taptap began down the road again. I waved to him, and he waved back. At least I got that one moment. But where was Ronald I wondered. A little further down the road we saw Ronald & Rosna, but this time the taptap didn’t stop. I yelled to Ronald & waved, but he didn’t wave back. He just watched us as we drove out of sight with a heart-breaking face. I wanted with everything in me to jump out of the back of that taptap and run back to him, to pick him up and hold him close to me, to tell him I love him & so does Jesus. He IS loved and wanted. But instead I sat at the end of that taptap with tears falling down my face.
Our last day has come & gone, and I can’t put my feelings into words. I fight back the tears and try to dwell on the good.
The end has come. What a bittersweet day it has been. We roofed another home today so that makes 4 total. The building of each roof has been a unique experience, and today was as well. As I went to work with my hand drill and circular saw, I got small snapshots of what everyday life in Haiti is like. As our workday began the work had already begun hours earlier for the Haitians. There was a young pregnant woman sitting on a rock hard at work washing laundry. I watched as she scrubbed and rinsed, scrubbed and rinsed, rang out the water, and then set the clothes aside to hang out to dry. Nearby sat 2 more women with 3 young children. One little boy, Jean, looks to be about 2 years old. The other two babies are twins, not even a year old yet, maybe 8 months. The baby boy has a little afro and the biggest toothless grin that will melt your heart. Every time I smiled at him or made a funny face he would grin, giggle, and slap his hands on his legs. His twin sister, on the other hand, was terribly afraid of white people. She would cry even if she saw me looking at her for too long. The men joined in helping us build the roof while the women tended to the children and housekeeping tasks. Smoke began to billow out of a small open-air hut as we were working. One of the women had built a fire to begin cooking food. Seeing life going on around us was cherished opportunity and a reminder of that stark contrast that haunts me when I return home.
We worked diligently until lunch time and only lacked placing & securing the metal sheeting. I took a break somewhere in there and got to hold afro baby when he woke up from his nap. His dad told me his name is Jegu (I have no idea if that is how it’s spelled but that is how it sounds). He had just finished eating homemade banana baby food so he was a little messy but still completely adorable. I held him, tickled him, cuddled him, threw him up in the air, and listened to him laugh & laugh. I wish I could take him home with me!
After lunch we were quick in finishing the roof and lots of time to spend playing with the boys back at the boys’ home. Jen & Jeff got out the Frisbees, jump ropes, bubble wands, footballs, soccer ball, candy, coloring books, and crayons we brought for the boys. Oh, that was lots of fun! Everyone had fun sitting on the back of the truck playground coloring pictures and showing off their artwork. Then a game of dodge-the-frisbee started and some of the younger boys kicked the soccer ball around. A couple of the boys started blowing bubbles and quickly drew a crowd that jumped around giggling as they tried to pop all the bubbles that were quickly floating away. Desilien was my coloring buddy. I held his crayons as he put all his concentration into staying inside the lines. Every time Desilien says my name, my heart jumps a little, and I get a burst of energy no matter how tired I may be. I think it is just knowing that he knows me and loves me and wants me to play with him. It’s a special feeling. Jen had an extensive English lesson with Guinsly. Then later Ken Jon took out his English workbook and showed Jeff his homework assignment. He had to memorize the lyrics of the Michael Jackson song “We are the World” as an English assignment. So we all sat on the back of the truck and sang “We are the World” over and over. Then out of nowhere a guy shows up with a guitar and starts playing another song. It was a thank you song to our team. In the song they listed off each of our names and thanked us for coming to Haiti to love the people and help the people. It was such a sweet & unexpected moment.
Saying goodbye came quickly & unexpectedly. Jeff came up to me while I was playing with some of the boys and told me, “Say your goodbyes. It’s time to load up in the taptap.” Ronald and Mackenlay still hadn’t returned from their trip to the doctor today. I had been waiting & wondering when they would be back. And now I wouldn’t get to tell them goodbye. I quickly hugged all the boys I could find hoping that Ronald and Mackenlay would arrive at the last minute. Wilberson watched from a distance as I hugged the other boys, and when I walked over to him to say goodbye he gave me a note. I took it and didn’t read it until we arrived back at Jean Alix’s house. It says:
Hello! I am very happy to see you. Sometimes I just see somebody, but is not in my mind. Today I see somebody she in my mind. It is you. I promise you always in my mind.
From: Wilberson To: you my baby
As I loaded my backpack into the taptap Sinclair called my name and came over. He gave me a hug and said, “I will miss you, my friend. Will you be back soon?” I told him I will come back as soon as God wants me to. It’s so hard to say goodbye not knowing if the future holds another trip. I was the last one in the taptap. As we drove away my heart sank. I may never see Ronald or Mackenlay again, and I couldn’t even hold them one more time. I want them to know how much I love them both. I sat on the end of the taptap and stared out the back. The tears were coming. I could feel them. Then Jen saw Ecclesiaste walking down the road & yelled to him. The taptap stopped for a brief moment. Holding Ecclesiaste’s hand was Mackenlay! They were returning from the doctor. I reached out my hand and Mackenlay grabbed it with his tiny hand. I said “Mwen renmen ou” as the taptap began down the road again. I waved to him, and he waved back. At least I got that one moment. But where was Ronald I wondered. A little further down the road we saw Ronald & Rosna, but this time the taptap didn’t stop. I yelled to Ronald & waved, but he didn’t wave back. He just watched us as we drove out of sight with a heart-breaking face. I wanted with everything in me to jump out of the back of that taptap and run back to him, to pick him up and hold him close to me, to tell him I love him & so does Jesus. He IS loved and wanted. But instead I sat at the end of that taptap with tears falling down my face.
Our last day has come & gone, and I can’t put my feelings into words. I fight back the tears and try to dwell on the good.
Monday, May 17, 2010
A New Picture
Day SIX
Today has been very different. It is Sunday, the day of rest. We haven’t done any work today. Instead we had the opportunity to be part of a Haitian worship service. We woke up at 6:45am, had pumpkin soup for breakfast, and left the house a little before 9am.
When our team walked in to church I swear every eye turned to watch us. We filed into a long wooden pew with our Bibles in hand. After the first few songs of the service I was able to relax because most of the eyes had stopped staring. I looked around as well, watching the Haitians just as they had been watching me. There were many familiar faces. These were the people we see every day as we drive by on the taptap, the people that work alongside us, the families whose homes we roofed. But they looked different. They were dressed in their best clothes – dresses, heels, skirts with colorful blouses, button-down collared shirts and slacks. Even though those very well may have been the only nice clothes they owned, they were sure to take good care of them and keep them clean so they could look their best at church.
Creol is a beautiful, eloquent language. The only words I could understand the whole service were “God is good” and “Hallelujah”, but I was captivated by every word. It wasn’t so much the words that were being said but the heart behind the words. The passionate expression of their worship was so genuine and heart-felt. The presence of the Holy Spirit saturated the air. Watching someone worship when they are wholly and completely sold out to Christ is seeing a glimpse of who they are underneath, seeing what drives their every action and feeds their soul. Each person I saw was telling their own story. “I’ve lost everything, and Jesus is all I have left.” “God is my rock – never ceasing, never changing, always present.” “The Lord has been faithful to provide. He will not forsake me.” These people I have grown to know over the past days or simply seen in passing were pouring themselves out in worship to God, and it was a beautiful picture of worship I have never seen.
As I lay on my bunk bed writing this, my face is misted with the humidity of the rain as the wind blows in from the open window. I can hear the rain beat down against the roof and spill off on the ground. From my view out the window I can see the where the water has created a muddy river in the road as it rages down the side of the mountain. What damage this storm will do to those who have no sturdy shelter. My heart is heavy for those with no protection from the relentless weather, but I also thank God for the homes built with roofs to provide relief from this rainy season. Once again I feel helpless and insignificant in the face of such vast need, but God is faithful. In Philippians 4, Paul says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” I am insignificant in my own power so I find myself on my knees in prayer for the people of Haiti. God is the only one who can provide for them. The Lord loves these people boundingly more than I ever could, and He will never leave or forsake His children.
Today has been very different. It is Sunday, the day of rest. We haven’t done any work today. Instead we had the opportunity to be part of a Haitian worship service. We woke up at 6:45am, had pumpkin soup for breakfast, and left the house a little before 9am.
When our team walked in to church I swear every eye turned to watch us. We filed into a long wooden pew with our Bibles in hand. After the first few songs of the service I was able to relax because most of the eyes had stopped staring. I looked around as well, watching the Haitians just as they had been watching me. There were many familiar faces. These were the people we see every day as we drive by on the taptap, the people that work alongside us, the families whose homes we roofed. But they looked different. They were dressed in their best clothes – dresses, heels, skirts with colorful blouses, button-down collared shirts and slacks. Even though those very well may have been the only nice clothes they owned, they were sure to take good care of them and keep them clean so they could look their best at church.
Creol is a beautiful, eloquent language. The only words I could understand the whole service were “God is good” and “Hallelujah”, but I was captivated by every word. It wasn’t so much the words that were being said but the heart behind the words. The passionate expression of their worship was so genuine and heart-felt. The presence of the Holy Spirit saturated the air. Watching someone worship when they are wholly and completely sold out to Christ is seeing a glimpse of who they are underneath, seeing what drives their every action and feeds their soul. Each person I saw was telling their own story. “I’ve lost everything, and Jesus is all I have left.” “God is my rock – never ceasing, never changing, always present.” “The Lord has been faithful to provide. He will not forsake me.” These people I have grown to know over the past days or simply seen in passing were pouring themselves out in worship to God, and it was a beautiful picture of worship I have never seen.
As I lay on my bunk bed writing this, my face is misted with the humidity of the rain as the wind blows in from the open window. I can hear the rain beat down against the roof and spill off on the ground. From my view out the window I can see the where the water has created a muddy river in the road as it rages down the side of the mountain. What damage this storm will do to those who have no sturdy shelter. My heart is heavy for those with no protection from the relentless weather, but I also thank God for the homes built with roofs to provide relief from this rainy season. Once again I feel helpless and insignificant in the face of such vast need, but God is faithful. In Philippians 4, Paul says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” I am insignificant in my own power so I find myself on my knees in prayer for the people of Haiti. God is the only one who can provide for them. The Lord loves these people boundingly more than I ever could, and He will never leave or forsake His children.
Insignificance
Day FIVE
“Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God.” -R.C. Sproul
Another roof was built today. This time it was down the mountain, but the taptap carried our supplies down the road & then we unloaded it and took it the rest of the way. On our way to the home we passed the house that’s foundation was poured during the spring break trip. It is nearing completion and only lacks windows & a door. Standing before it seeing how it has taken shape in the past weeks was another testament to God’s faithfulness.
Once again Jesse & I were on drilling & sawing duty. I feel like I’m getting’ some toned arm muscles. By lunch time the only work that remained was metal roofing which we would do after lunch. For lunch today we went to the Baptist Mission. I got a present for each of my family & John. I also got a painting & stone statue for myself. At the Baptist Mission store I bought a jar of mango jam & a jar of mamba (Haitian peanut butter).
After a relaxing lunch at the Baptist Mission we returned to Guibert to finish the roof. My favorite part of building roofs is watching the homeowner as it nears completion & then is finally finished. Today as the last nail was hammered in, Joseph, the homeowner, stood on a mound of dirt & rubble marveling at his new home. Tears began to fill his eyes. As I stood next to the shack they had been living in for the past 5 months since the earthquake, I began to realize what a truly amazing gift from God this home is to the family. It meant shelter form the rain, a safe place to raise their family, a place to call their own.
Our team, the family, and part of the community piled inside the home to pray for the home & the family. Joseph & his wife thanked each of us personally and gave us a hug. I could see the gratitude on their faces.
In Haiti, need is overwhelming both before & after the earthquake. It is very easy to see the needs of the country and feel like each roof we build will never compare to all that needs to be done. It can feel so insignificant, and that is rightly so. I am insignificant. But then I remember my Mighty God. I remember His unsurpassable power as Creator of all the earth and His unconditional love as Heavenly Father.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I will delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Although I am insignificant, the God I serve has them power to move mountains & change lives, and if I allow myself to be used as a vessel then I can be a part of God’s work.
This night as I reflect on the day there is a family of 30 people who are sleeping in a sturdy home with a roof over their heads protected from the wind and rain because of the efforts of our team today, because God gave us the strength & grace to complete it, and because God has provided the means & weather to do His work. I am humbled by the chance to be used by God in such a tangible way to help roof a home for a beautiful Haitian family.
“Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God.” -R.C. Sproul
Another roof was built today. This time it was down the mountain, but the taptap carried our supplies down the road & then we unloaded it and took it the rest of the way. On our way to the home we passed the house that’s foundation was poured during the spring break trip. It is nearing completion and only lacks windows & a door. Standing before it seeing how it has taken shape in the past weeks was another testament to God’s faithfulness.
Once again Jesse & I were on drilling & sawing duty. I feel like I’m getting’ some toned arm muscles. By lunch time the only work that remained was metal roofing which we would do after lunch. For lunch today we went to the Baptist Mission. I got a present for each of my family & John. I also got a painting & stone statue for myself. At the Baptist Mission store I bought a jar of mango jam & a jar of mamba (Haitian peanut butter).
After a relaxing lunch at the Baptist Mission we returned to Guibert to finish the roof. My favorite part of building roofs is watching the homeowner as it nears completion & then is finally finished. Today as the last nail was hammered in, Joseph, the homeowner, stood on a mound of dirt & rubble marveling at his new home. Tears began to fill his eyes. As I stood next to the shack they had been living in for the past 5 months since the earthquake, I began to realize what a truly amazing gift from God this home is to the family. It meant shelter form the rain, a safe place to raise their family, a place to call their own.
Our team, the family, and part of the community piled inside the home to pray for the home & the family. Joseph & his wife thanked each of us personally and gave us a hug. I could see the gratitude on their faces.
In Haiti, need is overwhelming both before & after the earthquake. It is very easy to see the needs of the country and feel like each roof we build will never compare to all that needs to be done. It can feel so insignificant, and that is rightly so. I am insignificant. But then I remember my Mighty God. I remember His unsurpassable power as Creator of all the earth and His unconditional love as Heavenly Father.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I will delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Although I am insignificant, the God I serve has them power to move mountains & change lives, and if I allow myself to be used as a vessel then I can be a part of God’s work.
This night as I reflect on the day there is a family of 30 people who are sleeping in a sturdy home with a roof over their heads protected from the wind and rain because of the efforts of our team today, because God gave us the strength & grace to complete it, and because God has provided the means & weather to do His work. I am humbled by the chance to be used by God in such a tangible way to help roof a home for a beautiful Haitian family.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
A Broken Heart
Day FOUR
Today I woke up telling myself “God will get you through the day.” Luke 1:37 says “For nothing is impossible with God.”
The house we had planned to roof yesterday was ready this morning so we loaded up the taptap with all our tools and supplies. The driver drove back down the road we had just come from taking our supplies to the house by the water pump, and the team walked behind it. It was nice not to have to carry all those boards & metal sheets.
The morning of work started off in full force. We cleared the boards piled in front of the house and set up to begin work. Jesse & I did all the drilling holes & sawing. Jeff told me that he was impressed with my work and that the people back home would be surprised with my she-man strength & abilities. I took that as a compliment. I guess he was just surprised at my use of the hand drill & circular saw. The Haitians were as surprised as well. We let some of the guys help with the hand drill, and when they would get it stuck I would take over and finish the hole. They thought it was funny that I was doing “man work”.
Several of the older boys kept attempting to flirt with me while we were working. Knowing I have a boyfriend in America didn’t stop them. I tried to be friendly without letting them think I was flirting back. Before lunch Jeff asked me to pack up all our tools. As I was gathering the tools in out buckets and taking the buckets in the house, I had to bend down. I had ignored the guys telling me I was beautiful & sexy, but when one of them slapped my toosh while I was bent down I had to say something. They were all laughing & speaking in Creol, but I turned around and said, “No, that is not funny. That is inappropriate.” Even if they don’t know the English word ‘inappropriate’, they knew by my tone & my face that what they did was not okay. After that I was really careful around them the rest of the day. I realized today that is one thing that spans across cultures – inappropriate young men.
For lunch Rosna made spaghetti for us, and it was delicious! Once I was done eating all I could think was “I don’t have the energy to finish the day”. There were several points in the day when I just felt completely physically exhausted. The sun, the sweat, the work – I just didn’t think I could finish the day’s work. My muscles were so worn out, and my energy was spent. But then I would remember nothing is impossible with God. Even in my physical exhaustion, nothing is impossible with God. Today I had to believe that on a whole new level – God is the only one who can restore my energy and motivate me to complete the task set before me.
After lunch I spent the beginning of my afternoon going up & down a ladder that wasn’t really a ladder but was a side railing of something with rungs that look like rebar. My makeshift ladder was unlevel & on loose gravel more times than not. At the top of the ladder my job was to lift the metal sheeting to be level with the roof when the people on the ground couldn’t reach anymore. It was the scariest job I’ve had yet. Miraculously I wasn’t hurt by the ladder or the metal or my clumsiness.
The roof was completed much earlier today than the first. We prayed with the homeowner, Shawmi, and after the prayer he hugged each member of our team saying “Thank you, God bless you”. I asked Jen were the rest of his family is, and we found out that his wife & children are living somewhere else until the house is complete. So putting up the roof today brought that house one step closer to completion and one step closer to Shawmi being reunited with his family.
Since the roof was finished early, we walked back to the boys’ home and got to spend some time loving on the boys. I ran around playing with the younger boys for a while (Mackenlay, Pouchon, Desilien, Guerrier,Ronald), and then when I was tired of boys hanging on my arms & back I sat down on the back of the broken down truck playground. Ronald jumped right up in my lap and didn’t want to share me with any of the other kids. I kept him close to me but let the other boys sit in my lap and on my legs also. Mackenlay insisted that I hold him too. We played silly games, and I kept tickling them all. I love hearing them laugh.
Ronald kept his arms wrapped around me the whole time. Several of the kids taught me phrases in Creol. While they were teaching me, Ronald & another little boy kept fighting over sitting in my lap. I didn’t know the other boy so I held Ronald close to me & let the other boy sit on the edge of my lap. That’s when all the kids started pointing at Ronald’s skin rash. Ronald has a skin disease that he has been taking medicine for, but it has only gotten worse and worse covering more of his body. The doctor doesn’t know what exactly it is so it has been hard to treat it. Ronald currently isn’t going to school because the skin disease is contagious. The other kids are careful not to get too close to him. So when he was laying his head on my chest and wrapping his arms around mine, the kids began pointing at him and speaking in Creol. I couldn’t understand them so I asked Guinsly what they were saying. He told me they were saying “Don’t do that. He’s sick. Don’t touch him.” They were shooing him to go away and trying to pull my hands off of him. I looked down at Ronald and his face broke my heart. He was on the verge of tears. I held him close and rested his head on my chest, but the overwhelming feeling of unwantedness drove him to run away. I called for him to come back, but he didn’t turn around. I was so angry with all the other kids. How mean!! And they didn’t even care that they hurt Ronald. They went back to playing like nothing had happened.
My heart was breaking for Ronald as the rest of the kids laughed & played. I wanted to push them all off my lap and leave them to go find Ronald. How horrible it much be to feel unwanted & unloved. He is the newest boy at the home, taken in 2 weeks before the January earthquake. His mother died a while ago, and the woman that his father remarried didn’t like Ronald so she told him father that if she was going to marry his then he had to get rid of his son. Ronald’s father sent him to live with his aunt who abused and neglected him. He was forced to roam the streets begging for food at the age of 6. Jean Alix found him begging in the streets one day and got permission from Ronald’s father to take him to the boys’ home. He must have felt unwanted most of his life until he came to the boys’ home, and now no one will touch him because he has an unknown skin spreading all over his body. I don’t care if I get that skin disease, I am not going to let this little boy feel unloved because I love him and Jesus loves him.
I left to find Ronald and found him sitting by himself. When I tried to pick him up, he started to run away so I scooped him up in my arms before he could get far. I tickled him until I saw a smile and then held him close and said “Mwen renmen ou” which means “I love you” in Creol. He buried his face in my chest and wrapped his arms around me tighter than before. As he cried in my arms, I held him close and whispered “Mwen renmen ou. Jezu renmen ou” again and again. It was such a precious moment of healing.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
He is FAITHFUL
Journal Entries from my second trip to Haiti:
Day ONE – Sweet Return
Oh what a day it has been! I was awake at 2:15am to pack up the last of my things from my apartment, roll up my sleeping bag, and get ready to meet up with the rest of my team. I got to the Hope office and realized I was 25 minutes early so after waiting in my car for a while the rest of the team began to arrive. We loaded up Jeff & Luke’s cars and took off for the Austin airport. We flew from Austin to DFW to Miami to Port-au-Prince in less than 12 hours. There was a lot of sleeping, a couple of meals, and lots of excited thoughts of the memories from spring break.
The airport in Port-au-Prince wasn’t so overwhelming this time. They now have moving belts at baggage claim which is a great improvement and made things less crazy once we got through customs. As we walked outside the airport there weren’t so many men tugging to carry our bags for us. We had to wait for probably 10 minutes outside the airport because Jean Alix was stuck in traffic trying to get to us. When the taptap finally arrived just ahead of Jean Alix’s car, we followed it down the road to a parking spot. Many Haitian boys & young men came up to me asking “What will you give me? I need food. My family has nothing.” That was still just as hard to turn away.
I road in the taptap from the airport with the rest of our team minus Luke & Lindsey who rode with Jean Alix in his car. The sights were no less heart-breaking – people living in filth & poverty, tent cities growing in any open area they can find. But the beauty of Haiti never ceases to amaze me. The whole country seems like an oxymoron to me – such a beautiful country with beautiful people yet they are surrounded by destruction and living in filth.
When we arrived to the house, Jean Alix greeted our team and was happy to see I had returned. Markley ran and jumped in my arms to give me one of the biggest hugs I’ve ever had. He told me he has missed me so much. Lori also hugged me and asked me how I’ve been. Oh, how sweet it is to be back!
Being back in this culture that I’ve missed so much brings indescribable emotions. I will hold every moment near & dear to my heart – every hug, every greeting in Creol, every bruise on my back from the taptap rides, every spoonful of rice, every cup of Haitian coffee, every conversation with Jean Alix, every laugh, every smile on a beautiful Haitian face. I will cherish it all.
Lord, thank you for giving me such a love for these Haitian people & their culture. Thank you for bringing me back to continue the work You’ve begun in me and through me. You never cease to amaze me. I pray you grow me closer to you in the midst of whatever lies ahead.
P.S. Tonight I accidentally used the tap water to brush my teeth. Still trying to get back into the swing of things. I hope I don’t get sick.
Day TWO – The Provider
Today was busy, exhausting, at times a little frustrating, but all together wonderful. The day began with cinnamon rolls from the Baptist Mission & Haitian coffee. Can’t go wrong there! Then came sunscreen and bugspray application which apparently I didn’t do well enough since the whole team says my chest is red – I don’t see it. The taptap ride to the boys’ home was rough. I think all the rain has eroded the dirt from the roads and left the rocks.
As the taptap drove up to the boys’ home I began getting butterflies in my stomach. The car stopped, and I could hear Mackenlay’s cry. I jumped down with my backpack in hand. As I stepped out and saw the familiar surroundings, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of comfort & peace as I thought to myself “You’re back. You’re finally back.” I knew that in that moment I was right where I was supposed to be.
It was hard to get out of the taptap and not see Mackenlay come right up to me. But he let me hold him for a while today. I didn’t see many of the boys today because they were in school. I saw Rony, Guerrier, Mackenlay, and a few boys from the village. I was surprised & overjoyed when some of the boys remembered my name, actually a lot of them. They all recognized my face.
We gathered our supplies of 2x6 boards, metal sheets, and tools, but before we set off to roof a house we got to see a completed home like the one we would be roofing. It was the house by the basketball court! Just 6 weeks before, I had taken pictures of girls standing on piles of rubble in that very spot – what remained of the home that had once stood there. Now there stood a new house – a simple, rectangular structure of 3 rooms with windows & a tin roof, but to one family their saving grace to protect them from the blazing sun and pouring rain, and to a community a promise of hope and better days to come.
The home we were told to roof today was about a mile hike down the mountain from the boys’ home. We carried all our supplies with us which made the trek down the mountain quite a workout. We arrived at another simple, rectangular structure with 3 small rooms but no roof. We had our job cut out for us.
The work was very slow to begin. Lots of measuring, planning, and thinking to be done. Jeff along with the rest of the team had never roofed a home until today so it took some time and a lot of patience to begin the process. I somehow became the designated cutter/driller after Jesse had taught me how to use the hand drill and battery-powered circular saw. It was a pretty fun job, and Haley & I worked together doing it really well. At some point amidst our moments of standing & waiting, I made a friend named Abigail (Creol pronunciation: AbE-gI-el) She brought Haley & me berries several times. She would run off into the forest and return with these wild berries that looked a lot like blackberries. First it was one, then another, then a whole handful! They looked delicious, but Haley & I both knew we couldn’t eat them so we politely replied “merci” when she gave them to us. The adults watching were trying to tell us we were supposed to eat them, and we knobbed our heads, “wi”. We could tell they thought we were completely clueless & ignorant, but I would rather them think that than tell them we can’t eat it & they think we are rude.
Later Abigail & I began a game of chase. I’m not sure how it started, but it sure was fun! Of course, I was the chaser every time, but I finally got her to chase me once. Let me tell you, running around in the mountains is QUITE the workout. I realized halfway through our game (that lasted at least an hour) that I hadn’t packed my inhaler in my backpack this morning, but I was having too much fun by that time to stop. We had a crowd of people watching us play chase. I’m sure they were certainly entertained watching an American woman chase a Haitian little girl through gardens, around homes, over rubble, up the mountain, down the mountain, through the grove of banana trees, and past startled cows. Every time I caught Abigail I would tickle her until she was rolling on the ground laughing. Her laugh was beautiful and so contagious. There is no way to stay in a sour mood when you hear her laugh.
When the roof was finally done at the end of the day – yes that’s right, we roofed a whole house in a day, our FIRST day – Jen gathered the team & the family in the house to pray. Jason (the father,), Christine (the mother), Wesley (the son), Abigail (the daughter), and their other 3 children piled in the middle room of the house with our team of 10 and about 25 other friends in their community. Jeff said a prayer of thanksgiving & blessing on the family. It was a beautiful moment. Christine’s face was lit up from the inside out with joy, relief, thankfulness, and gratitude for all the Lord has given her. What a blessing it has been to be a part of this family’s life and helping to build this house that they so desperately need. Their old home which sits right next to the new one is all but crumbled to the ground. Jean Alix strictly warned us NOT to go inside the old house because any amount of shifting or movement could bring it crumbling down. The walls had been blown out, and there were very large cracks in the remaining structure. It was a miracle that it was even still standing. The family is living in a small shack built out of cloth, sticks, and rusty metal like many others in Haiti. But the Lord in His provision is preparing them a beautiful home and touching hearts in the process.
P.S. We had goat at dinner tonight. Yummmmm!
Day THREE – Building Patience
I woke up this morning with really sore muscles. My back is sore, and my neck is stiff. There will definitely be a needed massage when I return home. But being sore makes me feel like I did some hard work.
Today we thought we would be roofing another house down the road from the boys’ home by the water pump, but as we drove by it this morning we saw that the top beams on the walls were just being poured. Plan change – the team split up into 2 groups, one to go help in building a home and another to stay at the boys’ home & build shelves. I was in the group that built shelves in the supply room. We were also told to organize, inventory, and label all the supplies once the shelves were complete. Well, that didn’t happen because we didn’t get the shelving unit completed. We had the framing close to completed & put together when we realized it was unlevel because the boards that the plywood shelves would sit on were not placed consistently. So we took it all apart, redid it, and began to put it back together only to realize Jesse’s remeasurements were off. So we took several pieces apart AGAIN. Like they say, third time’s the charm. Luckily that saying held true for us, and we finally got the framing of the shelves up. We only had one piece of plywood to make the shelf pieces so we cut in to make 3 of the 9 shelves. Jean Alix said he would get more plywood, but by the end of the day he still wasn’t back with any plywood.
The Lord was surely testing my patience today and building in me a heart of obedience. It was trying and would’ve been easy to fall to human frustration & anger. But pointing blame at someone would’ve gotten nothing done and only damaged relationships. Flexibility was definitely important in how today played out.
The difficulties of today were eased by chances to hold the boys, play with them, and have some good conversations with the older ones. Mackenlay was the only one of the boys that wasn’t in school during the day. He sat and watched as Haley & I cut & measured wood. When we cut off small wood scraps I would hand them to him to play with. By the end of school he had a huge collection of about 15 blocks. Those were soon dispersed between several of the boys and lost in the craziness. Mackenlay laughed for me several times and sat in my lap every time I saw down to rest. I played with Pouchon throwing a paper airplane. Jersino was glad to see me, and we had a good conversation. Isnold acted shy and ran away from me all day. Ronald & I played for a while spinning around and playing hide-and-seek. Marcedoine, Guinsly, Valery, and Desilien all talked with me and gave me hugs. It was great to know that I was loved and missed, but it is wonderful to be back so I can continue to love on them and share the love of Jesus Christ.
Day ONE – Sweet Return
Oh what a day it has been! I was awake at 2:15am to pack up the last of my things from my apartment, roll up my sleeping bag, and get ready to meet up with the rest of my team. I got to the Hope office and realized I was 25 minutes early so after waiting in my car for a while the rest of the team began to arrive. We loaded up Jeff & Luke’s cars and took off for the Austin airport. We flew from Austin to DFW to Miami to Port-au-Prince in less than 12 hours. There was a lot of sleeping, a couple of meals, and lots of excited thoughts of the memories from spring break.
The airport in Port-au-Prince wasn’t so overwhelming this time. They now have moving belts at baggage claim which is a great improvement and made things less crazy once we got through customs. As we walked outside the airport there weren’t so many men tugging to carry our bags for us. We had to wait for probably 10 minutes outside the airport because Jean Alix was stuck in traffic trying to get to us. When the taptap finally arrived just ahead of Jean Alix’s car, we followed it down the road to a parking spot. Many Haitian boys & young men came up to me asking “What will you give me? I need food. My family has nothing.” That was still just as hard to turn away.
I road in the taptap from the airport with the rest of our team minus Luke & Lindsey who rode with Jean Alix in his car. The sights were no less heart-breaking – people living in filth & poverty, tent cities growing in any open area they can find. But the beauty of Haiti never ceases to amaze me. The whole country seems like an oxymoron to me – such a beautiful country with beautiful people yet they are surrounded by destruction and living in filth.
When we arrived to the house, Jean Alix greeted our team and was happy to see I had returned. Markley ran and jumped in my arms to give me one of the biggest hugs I’ve ever had. He told me he has missed me so much. Lori also hugged me and asked me how I’ve been. Oh, how sweet it is to be back!
Being back in this culture that I’ve missed so much brings indescribable emotions. I will hold every moment near & dear to my heart – every hug, every greeting in Creol, every bruise on my back from the taptap rides, every spoonful of rice, every cup of Haitian coffee, every conversation with Jean Alix, every laugh, every smile on a beautiful Haitian face. I will cherish it all.
Lord, thank you for giving me such a love for these Haitian people & their culture. Thank you for bringing me back to continue the work You’ve begun in me and through me. You never cease to amaze me. I pray you grow me closer to you in the midst of whatever lies ahead.
P.S. Tonight I accidentally used the tap water to brush my teeth. Still trying to get back into the swing of things. I hope I don’t get sick.
Day TWO – The Provider
Today was busy, exhausting, at times a little frustrating, but all together wonderful. The day began with cinnamon rolls from the Baptist Mission & Haitian coffee. Can’t go wrong there! Then came sunscreen and bugspray application which apparently I didn’t do well enough since the whole team says my chest is red – I don’t see it. The taptap ride to the boys’ home was rough. I think all the rain has eroded the dirt from the roads and left the rocks.
As the taptap drove up to the boys’ home I began getting butterflies in my stomach. The car stopped, and I could hear Mackenlay’s cry. I jumped down with my backpack in hand. As I stepped out and saw the familiar surroundings, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of comfort & peace as I thought to myself “You’re back. You’re finally back.” I knew that in that moment I was right where I was supposed to be.
It was hard to get out of the taptap and not see Mackenlay come right up to me. But he let me hold him for a while today. I didn’t see many of the boys today because they were in school. I saw Rony, Guerrier, Mackenlay, and a few boys from the village. I was surprised & overjoyed when some of the boys remembered my name, actually a lot of them. They all recognized my face.
We gathered our supplies of 2x6 boards, metal sheets, and tools, but before we set off to roof a house we got to see a completed home like the one we would be roofing. It was the house by the basketball court! Just 6 weeks before, I had taken pictures of girls standing on piles of rubble in that very spot – what remained of the home that had once stood there. Now there stood a new house – a simple, rectangular structure of 3 rooms with windows & a tin roof, but to one family their saving grace to protect them from the blazing sun and pouring rain, and to a community a promise of hope and better days to come.
The home we were told to roof today was about a mile hike down the mountain from the boys’ home. We carried all our supplies with us which made the trek down the mountain quite a workout. We arrived at another simple, rectangular structure with 3 small rooms but no roof. We had our job cut out for us.
The work was very slow to begin. Lots of measuring, planning, and thinking to be done. Jeff along with the rest of the team had never roofed a home until today so it took some time and a lot of patience to begin the process. I somehow became the designated cutter/driller after Jesse had taught me how to use the hand drill and battery-powered circular saw. It was a pretty fun job, and Haley & I worked together doing it really well. At some point amidst our moments of standing & waiting, I made a friend named Abigail (Creol pronunciation: AbE-gI-el) She brought Haley & me berries several times. She would run off into the forest and return with these wild berries that looked a lot like blackberries. First it was one, then another, then a whole handful! They looked delicious, but Haley & I both knew we couldn’t eat them so we politely replied “merci” when she gave them to us. The adults watching were trying to tell us we were supposed to eat them, and we knobbed our heads, “wi”. We could tell they thought we were completely clueless & ignorant, but I would rather them think that than tell them we can’t eat it & they think we are rude.
Later Abigail & I began a game of chase. I’m not sure how it started, but it sure was fun! Of course, I was the chaser every time, but I finally got her to chase me once. Let me tell you, running around in the mountains is QUITE the workout. I realized halfway through our game (that lasted at least an hour) that I hadn’t packed my inhaler in my backpack this morning, but I was having too much fun by that time to stop. We had a crowd of people watching us play chase. I’m sure they were certainly entertained watching an American woman chase a Haitian little girl through gardens, around homes, over rubble, up the mountain, down the mountain, through the grove of banana trees, and past startled cows. Every time I caught Abigail I would tickle her until she was rolling on the ground laughing. Her laugh was beautiful and so contagious. There is no way to stay in a sour mood when you hear her laugh.
When the roof was finally done at the end of the day – yes that’s right, we roofed a whole house in a day, our FIRST day – Jen gathered the team & the family in the house to pray. Jason (the father,), Christine (the mother), Wesley (the son), Abigail (the daughter), and their other 3 children piled in the middle room of the house with our team of 10 and about 25 other friends in their community. Jeff said a prayer of thanksgiving & blessing on the family. It was a beautiful moment. Christine’s face was lit up from the inside out with joy, relief, thankfulness, and gratitude for all the Lord has given her. What a blessing it has been to be a part of this family’s life and helping to build this house that they so desperately need. Their old home which sits right next to the new one is all but crumbled to the ground. Jean Alix strictly warned us NOT to go inside the old house because any amount of shifting or movement could bring it crumbling down. The walls had been blown out, and there were very large cracks in the remaining structure. It was a miracle that it was even still standing. The family is living in a small shack built out of cloth, sticks, and rusty metal like many others in Haiti. But the Lord in His provision is preparing them a beautiful home and touching hearts in the process.
P.S. We had goat at dinner tonight. Yummmmm!
Day THREE – Building Patience
I woke up this morning with really sore muscles. My back is sore, and my neck is stiff. There will definitely be a needed massage when I return home. But being sore makes me feel like I did some hard work.
Today we thought we would be roofing another house down the road from the boys’ home by the water pump, but as we drove by it this morning we saw that the top beams on the walls were just being poured. Plan change – the team split up into 2 groups, one to go help in building a home and another to stay at the boys’ home & build shelves. I was in the group that built shelves in the supply room. We were also told to organize, inventory, and label all the supplies once the shelves were complete. Well, that didn’t happen because we didn’t get the shelving unit completed. We had the framing close to completed & put together when we realized it was unlevel because the boards that the plywood shelves would sit on were not placed consistently. So we took it all apart, redid it, and began to put it back together only to realize Jesse’s remeasurements were off. So we took several pieces apart AGAIN. Like they say, third time’s the charm. Luckily that saying held true for us, and we finally got the framing of the shelves up. We only had one piece of plywood to make the shelf pieces so we cut in to make 3 of the 9 shelves. Jean Alix said he would get more plywood, but by the end of the day he still wasn’t back with any plywood.
The Lord was surely testing my patience today and building in me a heart of obedience. It was trying and would’ve been easy to fall to human frustration & anger. But pointing blame at someone would’ve gotten nothing done and only damaged relationships. Flexibility was definitely important in how today played out.
The difficulties of today were eased by chances to hold the boys, play with them, and have some good conversations with the older ones. Mackenlay was the only one of the boys that wasn’t in school during the day. He sat and watched as Haley & I cut & measured wood. When we cut off small wood scraps I would hand them to him to play with. By the end of school he had a huge collection of about 15 blocks. Those were soon dispersed between several of the boys and lost in the craziness. Mackenlay laughed for me several times and sat in my lap every time I saw down to rest. I played with Pouchon throwing a paper airplane. Jersino was glad to see me, and we had a good conversation. Isnold acted shy and ran away from me all day. Ronald & I played for a while spinning around and playing hide-and-seek. Marcedoine, Guinsly, Valery, and Desilien all talked with me and gave me hugs. It was great to know that I was loved and missed, but it is wonderful to be back so I can continue to love on them and share the love of Jesus Christ.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Return to Me
When I returned from Haiti 6 weeks ago, my heart was broken. I found myself writing in my journal alot...
"God, I am hurting. I am hurting because the people there are hurting, and I'm not. Because they are in desperate need, and I'm not. Because I want to be there with the boys. Because I miss them. I miss knowing that I am making a difference in the lives of people who are truly in desperate need. As heart-wrenching as it is to look at pictures from the trip and cry tears at the sight of each precious face not knowing if I'll ever hold them again, it is more heart-wrenching to think of a day when I can't remember anymore. So I replay those memories in my mind many times over longing to be playing in the dirt with those adorable children in Guibert. I long to work side-by-side with people who are eager to rebuild their country and their lives. I long to hold each beautiful Haitian child and love them like they are my own. I long to live simply and joyfully in community with no concept of time or stress. I long for the Haitian family I have made and love. Yet I know God has brought me back with a passion & love for a reason. God, I long to be content where you have placed me. I need Your heart, Your eyes, and Your Spirit to consume me and rid me of all my own desires. And if it be in Your will, I will return back to the Haitian people I love so dearly."
Well, in His will God has given me the chance to return to Haiti. My team leaves in the morning, and we land in Haiti at 3:45pm. The people of Guibert have been heavy on my heart and my mind. I have been in constant prayer as I pray that God prepares me to do His work and His will. I am eager to see the faces of the children that I fell in love with. I am eager to hold them in my arms. I am eager to build new relationships with the Haitians I will be working with and the families whose homes we will be building. I am eager to return to the country that captured my heart. I am eager to see the continued work of God's hand in the lives of the people that I so hesitantly left.
"God, I am hurting. I am hurting because the people there are hurting, and I'm not. Because they are in desperate need, and I'm not. Because I want to be there with the boys. Because I miss them. I miss knowing that I am making a difference in the lives of people who are truly in desperate need. As heart-wrenching as it is to look at pictures from the trip and cry tears at the sight of each precious face not knowing if I'll ever hold them again, it is more heart-wrenching to think of a day when I can't remember anymore. So I replay those memories in my mind many times over longing to be playing in the dirt with those adorable children in Guibert. I long to work side-by-side with people who are eager to rebuild their country and their lives. I long to hold each beautiful Haitian child and love them like they are my own. I long to live simply and joyfully in community with no concept of time or stress. I long for the Haitian family I have made and love. Yet I know God has brought me back with a passion & love for a reason. God, I long to be content where you have placed me. I need Your heart, Your eyes, and Your Spirit to consume me and rid me of all my own desires. And if it be in Your will, I will return back to the Haitian people I love so dearly."
Well, in His will God has given me the chance to return to Haiti. My team leaves in the morning, and we land in Haiti at 3:45pm. The people of Guibert have been heavy on my heart and my mind. I have been in constant prayer as I pray that God prepares me to do His work and His will. I am eager to see the faces of the children that I fell in love with. I am eager to hold them in my arms. I am eager to build new relationships with the Haitians I will be working with and the families whose homes we will be building. I am eager to return to the country that captured my heart. I am eager to see the continued work of God's hand in the lives of the people that I so hesitantly left.
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