When struggles come my way and temptations seem too much to bear...

There are many times that I have felt like my walk with the Lord is like a circle...or maybe a spiral. It just goes round and round passing the same points time after time just with a wider impact. Like when I grow stronger I fall harder, but it is always the same struggles and the same lessons. And to be completely honest, it gets frustrating.

Then there are other times when I have felt like my walk with the Lord is like a line, a wave even. It goes up and down, sometimes slowly, sometimes plummeting...like a nauseating rollercoaster. You get an adrenaline rush when your going up and then that funny feeling when you fall that makes your stomach float in mid-air for a few seconds before you begin to blackout and just want to vomit. There are times when it crescendos and then fades off.

But I have determined that my relationship with God can't be compared to a line, a wave, a spiral, a path, a mountain, an ocean, or any other symbolism. There is no sense in trying to think up an awe-inspiring imagery because it isn't like anything else in this world. The closest thing God can compare it to is marriage, but even that doesn't suffice because not only is He our Lover & Friend but also our Father, Judge, Creator, Sustainer, Savior, Protector, Provider, Healer. That relationship is always growing, changing. It is of such unique character that it can only be described moment to moment. At this moment I am at a loss for words to completely explain what the Lord is doing in me, but I will try my best to articulate it.

Even in the midst of struggle the Lord moves in amazing ways. I hate those times when I find myself struggling with things of the past - those things that you were sure you had gotten rid of and moved on from. But I am beginning to learn that as a human, I am never rid of temptation so my struggles of the past will never stay in the past. It is exhausting, and it ceratinly hurts to revisit places filled with guilt & pain. The difference now is I have found intimacy with Christ, I have seen the beauty of walking in His will, I have tasted the joy found in His abounding love & grace. I am a new creation. My strength is in Christ who has overcome the world. His truth I will cling to as this battle rages on. I used to wonder when the day will come that there will be peace, but as long as I am of human flesh this battle will continue until the day that I am reunited with my Savior.

I am more than a conqueror through Christ who loves me and gave His life for my redemption. Therefore, I will seek Him with unrelenting passion. Along the way I will learn humility, sacfrice, love, honesty, repentance, patience, joy, forgiveness, and be molded to look more & more like Jesus Christ each day.