Learning Dependence

I'm off to Haiti today. I find myself at a loss for words. I can't believe the day has finally come. You know that nervous, anxious, excited feeling of adrenaline rush you get in your stomach that feels like butterflies but makes you almost wanna throw up? I woke up this morning with that feeling lurking inside me.

I have come to realize in preparing for this journey that I have become very comfortable with where I am. And so many times comfort leads to complacency - at least in my case. I have found comfort in my constant access to food, hot showers, clean water, plumbing, electricity, sturdy shelter, Christian friends, money, my planner, internet, education, organization, and so many other things that I take for granted. I always have some idea of what lies ahead. Sometimes there are bumps in the road that I didn't expect, but I am never traveling blindly or completely throw off course.

All of that to say that when you feel like you have everything under control and anything you need is at your disposal, you cease to depend on the Lord. You cease to seek after Him and cling to His promise that He will always provide for His children. I should be satisfied in seeking the Lord, following His will for me, and striving to obey His commands. He tells us that He will not forsake us. If God loved us enough to sacrifice His only Son to save our souls then don't you think He will provide for our needs while we are on this earth? When I put it that way it sounds so silly not to trust that God will provide. But in each of our hearts we either have some doubt that His Word is true and He will provide, or we have a fear of the uncomfortable. To be honest, I think maybe my reason has been a bit of both of those.

As I prepared for this trip God has opened my eyes to my complacency and repulsed me with my own self. But that is good because it brings about change. As I've gone days without showering, taken ice cold showers, eaten less at each meal, and found myself in almost constant prayer, I have slowly begun to depend more on Christ to be my only source of fulfillment. I have said that many times, but until now I don't think I have truly known what it means to become dependent on Christ alone because there is no way I will get through this week and all that it entails on my own strength, power, and provision.