"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do comes from it."
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Guilt. Something I am well acquainted with. Guilt has inhabited my heart for many years past and slowly rotted away parts of my heart. But after many tears, difficult conversations, internal warring, and more pain than I ever want to experience again, I found myself on my knees yearning to feel the love of God again. The grace that covered me in that moment was indescribable and magnificent, overwhelming in a wonderful way! I recently came to the sad realization that because I don't enjoy taking time to dwell on my wretched sin and all the hurt & heartache that comes with it, I forget the magnitude of that saving grace.
Pride. It has a sneaky way of creeping into our hearts initially unnoticed. Reading the story of the sinful woman who annointed Jesus' feet with perfume, I finally came face-to-face with the pride in my heart that I had never known was there. I remembered where God has brought me from and the restoration I have found in Him. How humbling it was to be broken of the unjustified judgement I have cast on others.
"For it is by GRACE you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:8-10
Jealousy. Something everyone deals with but no one wants to admit. Personally, it was only a few days ago that I realized what a big problem this is in my own heart. I compare myself to everyone around me - sometimes tearing myself down for not being skinny enough or pretty enough, other times building myself up for feeling intellectually superior. It's disgusting, I know. And it was a hard thing to admit to myself. Sometimes it isn't others I compare myself to; instead I am criticize myself for not measuring up to my own expectations - my looks, my character, my intellect, my work ethic, my ability as a nurse, how likeable I am. This all stems from jealousy. And jealousy stems from a discontent heart. I have let the things of this world take hold of my thoughts & become objects of my affection - physical appearance, reputation, popularity, relationships, expectations. My thoughts should always be fixed on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable, and excellent, and worthy of praise - things of God and things that bring glory to God. Those are the only things worth dwelling on because my Savior is the only thing worthy to be the object of my affection.
"I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2
Purging my heart of all sin & unrighteousness is difficult & uncomfortable but wonderful at the same time. The harder I pursue the Lord, the easier it is to watch everything else fall away. Being renewed & restored is part of the beauty of being a beloved child of God.
Kelsey, it is beautiful that you can write this for others to read! Thank you for being real, it makes others such as myself see that unfortunatley we all struggle with these fleshly things in our lives. It is important that we are real with each other so we know where we need to pray for each other. Thank you for transparency my sister.
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