You know those days when you think of your to-do list and just about have a heart attack? The overwhelming anxiety that consumes you wondering how you will be able to do everything you have in front of you? That is a pretty accurate picture of my weekend. Excitement turned to anxiety as I doubted my ability to accomplish all I have to do - my first OB test, a confusion of clinical paperwork, trying to get a handle on all my financial demands, the overwhelming challenge to raise over $5000 to spend the summer in Africa, remaining bathed in prayer & scripture as a developing Christian & Bible study leader, the uncomfortable task of being asked to share my testimony before a crowd of my fellow college students, and that's the short version. I know many people can relate to how I was feeling. For many of us, our lives thrive on busyness as much as we often despise it.
My breaking point came on Saturday night. I could feel my heart rate rise, my arteries begin to constrict, and my hands start shaking as my body began to give way to the stress. I was trying to study but to no avail. My mind was all over the place. "I need to remember to email her. Oh, I forgot I have to do that this week. I really need to find time to get this done. Why won't my phone stop ringing?!...Oh goodness, I'm going to fail this test if I don't get to studying!" At this point I should've stopped to take a breath right? But me, with my super woman mentality, thought "Okay, I just need to multitask to get things done." So I turned on iTunes to pick Bible study songs for the week while I continued in my attempt to study. God could've been screaming at me, but I wouldn't stop long enough for Him to get through my thick head UNTIL I heard the first song that started playing...
"God, my God, I cry out Your beloved needs You now.
God be near. Calm my fear, and take my doubt.
Your kindness is what pulls me up.
Your love is all that draws me in.
I will lift my eyes to Maker of the mountains I can't climb.
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild.
I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside.
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You..."
Life isn't about me, me, me. And when I try to take on the world by myself, stress & anxiety are inevitable because I CAN'T do it. But I'm not supposed to be able to do it.
The beauty of human weakness - it causes us to turn to the Lord.
God tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore we should boast all the more gladly about our weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on us. That is why, for Christ's sake, we should delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, . For when we are weak, then we are strong. (from 2 Corinthians 12:10)
So how will I be able to overcome busyness with a heart of joy? How will I be able to share the story of my failure & God's redeeming grace to a room full of people? How will I be able to serve the Lord in Africa when I don't feel equipped? How will I be able to raise the money needed to continue pursuing God's will? How will you make it through each day, no matter the challenges you face?
...By turning our eyes to God - the Maker of the mountains we can't climb, the Calmer of the oceans raging wild, the Healer of the hurts we hold inside, our Creator, our Father, our King.
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