What a beautiful mess.

First off: Praise the Lord, 100% of my summer is funded! What wonderful news that was to finally hear. I'm not going to lie I got a bit teary-eyed. God has provided in so many unexpected & wonderful ways. The body of Christ is a beautiful thing. I am forever thankful to all the people that gave out of the generosity of their hearts so that God's love & hope may be known & felt by the people whose lives will cross mine in Uganda & Kenya.

Not much longer. Only 10 days and I will be flying to Uganda. Goodness, how the days & weeks have seemed to fly by so quickly. Doesn't is always feel like you're looking back wondering where the time has gone? I am praying that time begins to slow down so I can cherish every moment of this summer.

You know when you're looking forward to something and you try to picture what it will be like in your mind? I have no idea what to picture. I often find myself thinking of the faces of the 9 beautiful orphans I will be living with, but past that I don't know what is in store for me this summer. I'm sure there will be lots of smiles, hugs, joy, laughter, tears, bug spray, baby wipes, sunscreen, bucket showers, medication, rice & beans, dirty feet, sticky mouths, growing, and learning. Oh, the learning. I can hardly wait.

Saying things have been pretty crazy lately would be an understatement. I have been one busy, tired, emotional, worrisome, doubting, confused mess of a person. But now more than ever I have come to appreciate how this beautiful mess is used by God.

The Bible is full of stories of people who were a beautiful mess and how God worked in them & through them for His glory. That is the story of grace.

God doesn't want me to have it all together. He wants me to come to Him each morning when I wake and cling to Him with all that I am for all that I need.

Because if I was never scared I wouldn't need His peace.

If I was never doubtful I wouldn't need His assurance.

If I was need worried I wouldn't need His calm.

If I was never confused I wouldn't need His truth.

If I was never tired I wouldn't need His strength.

If I was never busy I wouldn't need His rest.

If I was never discouraged I wouldn't need Him to lift me up.

So I have learned that it's okay to be all of those things. Because God is greater than it all.

It's those times when I'm a completely broken mess

that I see God in wonderful ways because I need Him.

I need Him, and I know that He is faithful.

He is everything I need.

He is everything you need.

If this is what it takes to live life on my knees in prayer, to need God for every step I take, to know God more intimately than ever before then I don't want to be anything BUT a total & complete mess every day of my life.