To have faith that moves mountains.

I am going to attempt to explain some of what God has been at work teaching me during the past several weeks. Bear with me, as I'm sure many of you can agree, I don't think any words can fully describe the workings of God.

My heart and head having been always working in the recent weeks, trying to work out all that my Heavenly Father is teaching me. Then I remember that it is not through my own works & will that I will come to know a changed heart but only through the power of the Holy Spirit in me will this work be carried to completion (Philippians 1:6).

Since my departure from the States 4 weeks ago, I have been seeking the Lord with one question always at the forefront of my thoughts. "So, God, I am here. Finally in Uganda. As I seek to serve you by serving others, how would you have me changed?" Little did I know what a loaded question that was.

As I began reading through the gospels, I found myself convicted by many things. "Maybe I'm reading through this too quickly," I thought. "The more I read each day, the more I feel like a failure. There are so many things in my heart & actions to be changed." But I kept reading and just accepted this oppressive weight of failure that seemed to grow each day as I read.

One thing stuck out above all else. Faith.

"Because you believed it has happened."

"Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!"

"Because of your faith it will happen."

"Your faith has made you well."

"You have so little faith. Why did you doubt me?"

"Your faith is great. Your request is granted."

"You don't have enough faith. I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from there to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."

Time and again people are given as they ask because of their faith. And time and again Jesus rebukes his disciples, the very men who lived life alongside Jesus, for their lack of faith. This brought me to an uncomfortable place of self-examination.

Do I have faith enough that Jesus might heal me?

Do I have faith that can move mountains?

Or do I doubt and fear and discredit the power of Jesus that he would rebuke me for having small faith?

I like to think I always have an unwavering faith in my Lord, but I know this not to be true. I doubt. I fear. But my heart's desire is to dwell in a place of such intimate fellowship with God that my faith, hope, and joy can be in nothing apart from the very Creator and Sustainer himself. Then how to do that? How does one go about increasing their faith? How does one come to such a place? In my mind, the answer must be complex and difficult. But, as I came to discover, it is actually quite simple.

The Lord brought me to this passage in the book Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret some days after I began seeking for an answer.

"To let my loving Savior work in me him will, my sanctification, is what I would live for by his grace. Abiding, not striving nor struggling; looking off unto him; trusting him for present power;...resting in the love of an almighty Savior, in the joy of a complete salvation, 'from all sin' - this is not new, and yet 'tis new to me...How then to have our faith increased? Only by thinking of all that Jesus is and all he is for us: his life, his death, his work, he himself as revealed to us in the word, to be the subject of our constant thoughts. Not a striving to have faith...but a looking off to the faithful one seems all we need; a resting in the loved one entirely, for time and for eternity."

To abide in Christ. It sounds so glorious and yet so obscure.

That is when the Lord revealed to me in a new light the verse I have forever written on my wrist - "For I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. And the life I live now in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20. My worldly, sinful self has been crucified, put to death. But the wonderful news of the gospel is that although I am dead, our Lord Jesus Christ is alive and kickin' inside me! Daily as I die to myself, only Christ living in me, the Holy Spirit, should be seen by the world. I am just a humbled and surrendered vessel by which the Spirit can work. So as I live each day here on earth I can live by faith in the Son of God who is alive inside of me - dwelling within me. The Holy Spirit dwells in me, and so I can rest in Him and His mighty power. I couldn't ask for a more intimate mingling with God, an intertwining of beings. And this makes me yearn all the more to fellowship with God in prayer and stillness as I rest in His presence, to awake during the early hours of the morning beaming with joy at the thought of spending more time with my God. Not only to know the Heavenly Father more deeply through prayer, but also to search His Holy Word left to us that I might grow in my knowledge of His character, works, commands, and example in Jesus Christ, this is my blessed privilege. Through these things I am learning now more than ever the joy of abiding in Christ.